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So we booked Virgin Austrlia, hoping that lovely friend Paul may help us with an upgrade, and got saddled with an Etihad code share. Wotta mistaka to maka! Bloody awful, worst long haul flights evaaaaaaaaaaah. Crap, congealed, poor quality food, poor and very unconcerned service (almost impossible to get drinks) and tiny seats on old planes. Never again! Qatar or SIA for us. Added discomfort of changing the 1 hour 20 mins changeover at Abu to 10 hours, cunts. We stayed at Premier Inn, which was surprisingly lovely, with a rooftop gym, pool and spa, which we availed ourselves of as the sun was rising. But an absolute NO to Etihad again. Really shite.

Arrived, met by Ma, and were dragged off, in our sorry state, to see Auntie Ann en route to the farm. Not our choice, we were absolutely shattered, but hey ho. She's recently widowed, and a lovely lady. And then we went to bed, very unsurprisingly. Jo and Nic were at the farm throughout, things change somewhat haphazardly with the family. That put a stop to most of my sunbathing, I'm actually paler than a long weekend in Barcelona. Fact!

Denis and Vicky (Rod's uncle) turned up shortly thereafter, and a torrent of racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-breastfeeding and climate change denial followed. At bellow level, as those over 60 are a tad deaf. Rod was mostly biking with Nic, I was mostly reading in our bedroom, it was excruciatingly boring. Really really boring. Auntie Clarice's funeral (never met her and Rod hadn't clapped eyes on her in many years) was the highlight of the week, as was a visit to Mick the Macedonian, with a lot of fab nibbles and even more booze. Other trips etc didn't transpire. However, when it hit 42 degrees on the Saturday, we went to a waterhole in the ute with Jo and swam, which was great fun, apart from the knee high mud, LMAO!!

I decided Melbourne, with or without him. He wanted to come, so we booked into the 5* Pullman for 4 days, at staff rate, bargain!

Fab luck there, we were upgraded FOC on arrival and had a lovely large room on the 19th floor, overlooking the city, with fabulous views. No plans, we just pottered, sightsaw, shagged and shopped, and refuelled on bloody delicious Asian food all the time, very yum! Met with Nic and Tiff for food one evening, and also Boo's cuz, Glen, who's lovely, for a drinking sesh with his buddies. Thoroughly enjoyed Melbourne, got some shopping bargains, saw possums in the park at night, travelled all over. Fab.

Christmas Eve memories - Nic crawling down the hallway on all fours, barfing as he went. The joys of teenage drinking, LMAO!!

Christmas, we went to the Town Hall for lunch, which is less glam than it sounds. It took a very long time, but was decent enough.

Boxing Day, to Uncle Neil's, a very family-oriented day, and then to Nic n Tiffs house, a short ride away, where we spent the night and watched Lord of The Rings whilst getting rather merry. Next day himself offed, I went and did nails with Nix and some shopping and then we visited on Paul Cole. Oh my, how his house has come along with decking and a spa, absolutely lovely! En fin, a lovely Asian meal.

Followed by what was supposed to be a seaside-y day, but turned into a marathon drive with very little seaside and then back to the farm. Nix feed Denis the bull. He's adorable!

Next day, adios to 5 piglets, such is farm life.

It all ended rather too quickly, with a BBQ and some more family fun. Apart from the sulky ones.

Next time we go, I'll organise more non-farm stuff, as I was bored and listless. I spent at least 7 days there doing absolutely nothing whilst Rod diddled around doing as he pleased on bikes etc. It takes 3 MONTHS of me working to earn that 1 week of utter boredom and time wasted, and I shan't allow it to happen ever again.

Still dying for a fag, but holding out thus far. I love red wine!!!!!!!!!


Call me Madam

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