July 11th, 2019

(no subject)

We did a runner from the flamenco, like two naughty kids. The male dancer was excellent. The guy who played double bass and tapped out the dance on his instrument was absolutely awesome. Most of the music was just noise to us though.

In the pub, we planned the weekend, as in decided what time we were coming and going. I thought it was just us, turns out there is a tribe. We are apparently throwing a cocktail party. The tribe are all 20 years younger than me and all creatives and very party/festival people, so now I am feeling even more anxious. I am middle aged, fat and boring. I'm quite worried about this. He isn't. I did try to wriggle out of it all, to be told "but it's our holiday".

I don't know what started it off, but apparently I am disgustingly hetero-normative for only giving necrophilia a 6/10. The male was the dead one, the girl used his fingers. That's just not sexy! However, conversation in the garden stopped, so that they could earwig us. There should be more conversations like this.

On the walk back, we passed by the stage door and peered in. The stage guys invited us in, and so we ended up having a stage/backstage tour and explanation from the horse's mouth, so to speak. That was cool.

I have reflected on Nikki's comments on my last post. They are true, but I am also at fault, and apologised straight away. I do over-share, this is true, and I will be more circumspect where some people are concerned. However, I will not be bullied or censored. To those who don't like what I type, then please don't read it. That is your choice. Yes, I am erratic. I am also the most loyal and trustworthy friend most muthafukkas will ever have the privilege of meeting. Yes I do delight in business class, because I can't afford to travel that way with my own money, to me it's a big treat. And yes I do have bizarre convos with my more eclectic friends, and they amuse me muchly. I happen to like warped minds and mad chats, they detract from the ordinariness of day-to-day life. And harm nobody.

I love my home, my job and my small circle of friends. I do my best to enjoy everything. I am quite a difficult person I suppose, not by choice. I had an odd childhood and ended up being quite a solitary and self-sufficient soul, again, not by choice, but I'm long used to it now. I have many problems, but I'm blessed too. So I gloss over the problems and count the blessings. Always the optimist!

If I send a really poorly worded cry for help, it has taken me everything to do that. I don't freely ask for help, I'm the one that does things for everybody else. But I hear and I won't trouble anybody again. People who say I don't talk and then say I talk to much are right on both counts.

I'm just a person making their way through life. It's fine not to help me. It's not fine to tear me down. I am ridiculous, preposterous, outrageous and honestly, just not right in SO many ways. Not loveable or admirable, I don't earn a fortune, or have the best of anything, but I do make the best of everything. Or at least try to.

Don't worry be happy.