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February 10th, 2019

It's a sad thing when, if somebody says you have a kind heart, you end up in tears all night.

I am mostly known, I guess, for being a dragon slayer. If people have a legal issue, they will come to me. If people are having problems with other people, they will come to me. If people need a loan or advice, they come to me. They will take advantage of my somewhat stupendous letter writing abilities, or my ability to give the nod and get somebody in, or out of something, or just be a worker outer of difficulties.

Over the years, I have paid for friends when I know they haven't been able to. Because I felt lucky to have enough money to do that. Now, maybe looking at my pension or my ISA, that was foolish. But I wouldn't change it. Every time I made one of my girls feel like a princess, that was worth it. The fucking awful travel I've undertaken to visit people, was worth it. The time I've spent working shit out for other people, was worth it. Not in monetary terms. In heartfelt terms. The jobs I've gotten people, the CVs I've written, all helped somebody somewhere.

A saint I am not. I've done bad shit. But I try at all times to act with honour and integrity. I am honest and incredibly loyal. Those qualities are mostly worthless these days. You are judged on your car, your income, your home and your holidays. The brands you wear and what your Uber rating is. And all sorts of things that have no bearing on your heart or soul, and have no community value. People change jobs every 2 years, or less, only hang out with people that can do something for them, only go places to be seen, and for the most part, have totally missed the joy of small things.

Last month my two biggest joys were dancing around naked at the full moon, and sleeping au naturel under the stars. Plus waking up on Christmas morning with somebody I love. I didn't get a present, but I did get exactly what I wanted, and couldn't have been happier.

This month, I have been of service to my Mum. The woman who picked me as a baby and looked after me, as though I were the most precious thing on earth, for 16 years. And then worried about me and cared for me for another 30+. And still does! So frankly, I should hang my head in shame for whinging about travel and inconvenience.

I'm not sure if I believe in any god. But if there is a god, I hope he can overlook today's moaning and look at my bigger picture!

This post was brought to you by menopausal night flushes and hormones.

Be kind xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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