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September 10th, 2018

I slept on the sofa with both cats - it's a rarity to have them both at night, although I suspect as autumn draws in, they'll get keener on the indoors option! I woke up in tears, much as I have done for the last few weeks, and went about my morning chores, having beat my alarms up.

Today I'm focussing on being in the moment. Be grateful for what I have now, and enjoying it.

Tonight I'll gym, and hopefully achieve my next level up!



An article about how relationships survive cheating. Mine did, many times. Always will.
I was ashamed and embarrassed that it was happening to me, and I kept it mostly to myself, even friends don't know the early stuff to this day. But after a while, the internal rage becomes too much, when it keeps happening.

The author is of the opinion that somebody having an affair could be a turn on. It's not. It's the opposite. Especially when you are made aware that the cheating spouse is singing the same song to every rose on the way. That nothing either emotionally or physically was sacred. Him being with somebody else, without my knowledge or consent makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. It's horrible.

He's spot on about non-sex counting. It does. When the cheating spouse is joining dating websites, advertising for sex online and trying hard to have sex with other people, regardless of how successful or not it is, it's still cheating. The intent is there.

Lastly he said be compassionate. That's one thing himself never was. He was always at great pains to point out that his cheating was the fault of his partner (sometimes me, sometimes not) and not his own fault. There was no compassion, empathy or meaningful apology. Ever. And I'm pretty sure there never will be now. My hurt, my pain, goes unacknowledged. It always has done.


Call me Madam

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