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August 13th, 2018

Aug. 13th, 2018

I've just been drifting along in my sadness this evening. Playing whack-a-mole with all of the unhappy thoughts and unwarranted optimism that keeps popping up.

Aug. 13th, 2018

The counsellor offered me a place tomorrow instead of Thursday, and because I feel so out of sorts and upset, I've taken it. I'm not sure what's going to happen, or how it will help, but I feel I should try. At present, I am arranging things I don't want to do, just to keep busy. I would rather stay home by myself. My present frame of mind is grim, but I keep chugging along. I almost wish I could do the bed hopping and transfer of affections Rod does so easily, but that isn't me.

I am trying really hard to be positive and optimistic, but it feels like too much of a struggle. A big part of me and my life has gone.

Also tomorrow, I am meeting what I hope to be, a new female friend in the area. I need allies and people I can chat to. Not that I feel I can say much at the moment.

I've been to work, to the gym, I've cooked dinner, had a bath and put the bins out. With zero spark.

The rat didn't move.

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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