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August 6th, 2018

Kill the Spider

I have been doing some soul-searching, and researching, and it's all good. Lots of information and food for thought, lots to ponder over and work out how and why it applies to me.

At the moment I am trying to deal with the anger of being lied to and cheated on for 11 years. It's hard. It's made harder by the fact that I never have, and never will have a meaningful apology. I am blamed squarely for each time he's cheated. There's something wrong with me, something lacking in me, that makes him do it. He cannot and will not apologise, it's something he just can't face up to.

So when he sticks adverts on Gumtree looking for grannies to shag, that must've been because I'm not a granny, ergo my fault.

When he seeks out gay men for naked massages, that's my fault for not being a man.

Nothing to do with being a cock-centric, self-obsessed and greedy.

He's not responsible for his own behaviour, or the detrimental effect it has had on other people, in any way. No sireeee. Wasn't him.

Anyway, the good news is, I've applied for counselling. Dunno if I'll get it, but we'll see.

I have done a LOT of psychology reading over the last 2-3 weeks, and it's all been quite intriguing. But I found one today that gave me a real belly laugh.

Don't keep clearing away the cobwebs. KILL THE SPIDER!!

I probably shouldn't even type that, because he's sure I'll stab him one morning. As I'm not violent and have never stabbed anybody, I'm reasonably sure that the reason I might be tempted, is because he had no intentions whatsoever of stopping his behaviour.

In better news, 6 things sold on Ebay, and another 6 with bids on. Yippee!


Call me Madam

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