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Oct. 1st, 2018

I spent my evening with a man, younger than myself. He's completely hyper, both mentally and physically. He struggles to contain himself. Or himself in the world, I'm not sure which. He has tattoos, multiple piercings, multiple body mods, has worked on and/or run sex parties (and other parties) for the last 15 years. He runs businesses, comes up with brilliant ideas, facilitates people, always has time for a fellow struggler, is a martial arts expert, sword expert, circus performer and all-round showman. Unusually for our circles, he drinks very little, drugs not at all, and almost always declines sex, unless there is emotional involvement. A very, very sorted, unsorted, wonderful human being.

He's also very polite, quietly spoken, but when you get him going, his eyes blaze. It's the best conversation I've had in a very long while, and I can't even remember all the topics we covered.

One thing that resonated with me is being beaten as a child. I wasn't. He was, and previous partners have experienced the same thing, with similar outcomes. Rebellion, being averse to rules and boundaries, feeling that if shit is gonna happen, you may as well earn it. Feeling that you're not lovable, or don't deserve security and happiness, because you're bad. And these things self-perpetuate. Except in his instance, it didn't. He's incredibly self-aware. He's checked himself, and instead of pushing people away, he draws them in. An incredible talent.

Another was using girls as show ponies, in BDSM clubs and at certain parties. Invariably, the females are doing this to impress/keep their Man (master. dom, as you will) and to keep him happy. At their own expense. He was very open about how abusive a lot of these relationships are, and how much men take advantage of the fact they know a woman will demean herself to please, which is sad, but true. It's a fact, there are girls that like multiple partners or being used in public. They are very few and far between, if we are honest. Most of my friends who are sub females, never play in public. They do it because that's what they are, not for public attention. In fact, in most instances, nobody would ever know. They do not have to prove themselves to their male partner, and in turn, their partner is happy with the quid pro quo, no need for a public show. I'm equating it more and more with knuckle dragging now. Oddly, it's the same with male subs, as males, they still love to show off in public in many instances. It was odd, and weird, hearing this from a male dom with many years of experience. I didn't think any of them would ever admit to it, although it's always discussed in female circles. He also told me about times he was openly compromised by females. That whole consent things surely does work 2 ways. Or not.

Anyway, happy to have been blown away by his openness, honestly and integrity. I actually feel quite humbled. And I can see that people like this DO exist, although rare as hen's teeth. I really do hope we can be friends.


Call me Madam

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