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Sep. 9th, 2018

I've spent the entire night weeping.

|I have tried and tried. I decorated the house. I went on holidays alone, I went out with friends alone, I went to parties alone, to the gym alone, out cycling alone, shopping alone - and sometimes with friends, but mostly alone. I've made the effort.

I've been out on dates. I haven't taken to anybody really.

I have read books, I've eaten better, I've exercised more and drank less. I still get my hair done, keep my poonani hairless, put fresh sheets on the bed and oil my skin. I've done lots for other people, given to charity, coddled the cats and done the gardening. I lie on the floor practicing yogic breathing.

I have done everything I know to do. I have tried to keep myself occupied, I have tried to relax and I've tried looking for somebody else.

I am heartbroken. And I don't know what else to do to fix it or me. I don't even want to bother now, it's too much. I am stressed and upset.

I miss Rod, and I wish with all my heart we were together. It's really, really hard.

I know I will never find another love like that. And it kills me.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
tntnikkibint
Sep. 9th, 2018 05:40 am (UTC)
There is no fix for love. Time makes the heart ache less- and less often. But there's no one thing or one person that will suddenly flip some magic switch and make the pain go away. If any of us could make this still hurting for you, we would. Without hesitation. But darling, i promise you, with time the ache will hurt less. And you will feel joy in your life again.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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