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So apart from generalised questions about how I feel and am I self harming or plotting to kill anybody else (no to both), we did some exploratory work on where I'm at. I told her all about the psychology research I've been doing on why cheaters cheat. She asked me why I was validating somebody else's behaviour. I didn't feel that I was, I was trying to understand it, but maybe in the subconscious, I was. So am not going to do any more research. I will go back to the premise that he is responsible for his behaviour and he chose not to change it.

I'm not mad keen on being asked about my feelings or questions that I'm not prepared for. Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know yet. I'm out of my comfort zone, and seeing that as a good thing. I've always been better at looking after than being looked after. Perhaps this experience will allow the softer me to come out. Living with cheating didn't, it made me aggressive and combative.

So this evening I went to meet Samantha. She's a lovely, bubbly, chatty 54 year old from Waltham Abbey. We got on well, much better than I anticipated, and we're meeting again when she gets back from her holiday in Split.

Tomorrow dins with Marie, and I haven't seen her for aaages. Thursday gym and latex polishing. And a busy weekend. My sleep is terrible, some of it anxiety, but a lot of it Murphy!


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 15th, 2018 01:47 am (UTC)

She's right, you have been bouncing around doing that for a long time. It helps us feel less stupid/foolish/hurt if we try and find a "reason" why they behave that way, but it is not for us to reason why, look away from how he behaved and focus on how it made you feel and react xx

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


Call me Madam

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