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Well, another little upset. Or rather, a very big one.

Browsing fetish photos on Facebook, I find one of Rod, playing with somebody, in a club on Saturday. He didn't mention he was seeing anybody else, even though we went out no less than 3 times last week. Including on Friday night, where his incessant phone fiddling was really rude, but now explainable. I know he's active on numerous dating and sex sites. And always has been LOL.

I too have been on a few dates, but I've had the decency to tell him each time. I don't feel the need to hide or sneak or lie by omission. Because it is what it is. What that is I've no idea.

It's been a very strange time. 2 weeks ago he was sending me cock shots. A month ago he was telling me he loved me. And ruder things.

We go out, we stay in, it's all cool. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don't. Invariably there is at the very least a kiss n cuddle, which is always great.

He blows hot and cold. I never know where I am with him. He never quite makes enough commitment to make me feel secure. I recognise that anybody who loved me wouldn't make me feel the way he does. He calls himself my boyfriend, and yet.......as soon as he thinks he can get his rocks off, he does.

And now I just feel very sad. Enormously sad. So I'll be keeping myself to myself for a while I guess.

I suppose people will think he's always been like that. But I was genuinely left with the impression, given a number of things, like discussing retirement and moving abroad, that he had matured and things were changing.

I'm just going to leave it and let him peddle his rose story. If he can't make any sort of commitment to me after 11 years, and everything we've done and been through together, he never will. It's a shame, because there was so much more left. But when you can't even manage a little common decency

*shrug*

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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