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Oct. 16th, 2017

I enjoyed this evening. More than I thought I would. Absolutely buoyed along by seeing Nix n Tiff this morning. What a treat! There, in the flesh, in my work. I can't really convey, sufficiently, in words, how happy that made me. They are at Tania's for the next 3 days, then Denmark and Canada, with just an overnight at Gatwick - I've treated them to a 5* hotel. Then back HERE in November. It just seems to madly weird, to not see somebody for such a long time, and then once a month, for three consecutive months. Not that I'm complaining at all.

And so on to The Date....

46, own company, lives in Portsmouth, and travelled all the way to see me. Brought me dinner in a good Italian restaurant in The City, and my goodness, the chat flowed! It's like I've had some sort of blockage for such a very long time. I had become so accustomed to being told I was wrong, all the time, that I just stopped talking. So accustomed to being lied to and cheated on, that I didn't bother being me anymore, I just kept my head down, hoping to dodge the next blow, which always came anyway. So accepting of the fact that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough, that I just stopped trying. So, it was good to talk, and laugh, and get to know somebody again. He's nowhere near as subbie as the last one, quite the opposite in fact. However, I do still feel a smidge of the neediness male subs always seem to carry with them. Or perhaps that's me being over-sensitive to it? He's really not subbie at all. It's good to feel appreciated, and wanted.

I'm still very negative about having sex with another person. I am hoping that'll pass, I've always been a very sexual and affectionate bunny.

I know I should be putting down that torch I've carried for such a long time. So, in the best traditions of First Dates, at the end bit, where they are asked if they'd like to see each other again, we were both a firm yes!

The sniping continues, my huge efforts in the lounge have amounted to "it's alright", and yet again, I am being told I am going to burn his things, over 11 years since I never burned a single thing. To which the reply has to be, if you don't like the lounge, feel absolutely free not to sit in it, and I can't burn what isn't here to set fire to. Not that I ever did anyway.

Today has been shrouded in the very odd light of Hurricane Ophelia. London has been an ombre of oranges and yellows, with a few menacing browns and greys, and an angry red sun, chucked in for special effect.

My stupid du jour was accidentally getting a bloody big rug delivered to work instead of home. What a tit! Debbie may be able to transport it next week, it's non-urgent. I need to sort out new curtain and nets. Not too onerous a task, thankfully. Finish off the bathroom, and then on to the kitchen. It *can* all be done.

​Australia and sunshine less than two months away now. I can make it!​


Call me Madam

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