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One email saying they were trying hard to wean themselves off me. Another email looking suspiciously like a love song, but turned out, it was taking the pee out of me. Me, well, I just don't know how to take anything any more. I hold my hands up to being totally clueless as to what people want from me. I am in a horrendously choppy sea, just keeping my head above water. And if I can do that, I'll be
fine.

I went over to Deb’s for a jolly lovely, slap-up roast dinner yesterday evening. We had a lot of fun, and she got Kayleigh’s hamster out – I didn’t even know she had one! Beautifully silky fur, but they’re so small, you’d need hundreds to make a decent coat! But very friendly, and great fun to play with! Apart from that, more than ample wine, and great company.

Came home to find boo shifting more of his stuff, which I had asked him to do, but it’s still very hard on me. I was so upset in bed, I barely had any sleep.

This morning, the chain on the bike slipped repeatedly, and in the end, I had to push it to the station, making me nicely late. He said he’ll fix it. Oddly, we are getting on better now we are in separate houses. He’s mostly kinder to me. And really helpful. Maybe that’s the way forward, who knows. All I know is I’m bloody upset. I do keep wondering if I’m doing the right thing, but I remind myself of the distress and heartache his constant lying and cheating brought to my door. And I plod on.

And en fin, today is the first day of my smoking cessation. I haven’t had a cigarette since around 11pm last night. I feel light-headed and a bit sick. I don't know if I'll make it. I can only give it a bash.

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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