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Paralysed

By tears and the inability to do anything. I just can't.

I was accused as being as lost and frightened as everybody else, but not showing it. I think the accuser looked away so many times, that I just drank that cup of concrete. And you know the rest.

I am frightened of never finding somebody who'll love me and I can love back. It worries me that I'll never reach my full potential, in many ways. Failure at anything worries me. The health of my parents worries me. My finances worry me. The fact that I no longer do the things I used to enjoy, clubs, nights out, it frightens me that I won't ever do them again. Being made to feel horribly insecure from constant lying and cheating frightens me. To the point where I don't want to look for a partner.

Death doesn't bother me at all. Nor does being alone, because I've always felt that way.

But for now, just letting the tears come, and wondering what next?

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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