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So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Angsty emails from Spence, which I have dealt with. I feel sad in a way, but needy men are not for me. I knew this from the start and should've stuck to my guns after the first date. I feel awful for having disappointed somebody. But I thought he deserved a second chance, and I thought it would be Ok, but ultimately, it wasn't.

I am an odd fish.

Over the last couple of weeks I've seen a few fun events that I'd love to go to. But no fun partner and no female friend available for such excursions. Instead, I gaze lustily at new sofas and colour charts, which isn't a bad thing. I want to redo as much of this house as is possible, without spending too much.

I feel I should have progressed further up life's ladder at 51, marriage, a home to call my own, etc, etc etc. But I chose the LIVE LARGE option. I had a lot of fun, and very few regrets.

Now I am alone, with very little to call my own and two mad cats. Part of me will always long for what could have been, but that would have meant totally compromising myself with lying and cheating. And I won't do that. Not now, not ever, I am far too good for that. One of the key things that my singledom has revealed, is how much in demand I am. So, princes and frogs it shall be. After the house is sorted.

Things I miss, sometimes having dinner cooked for me. Putting your feet up on somebody else, and maybe getting a foot rub. Coming home to a lit and warm house. Planning interesting excursions. Falling asleep on a shoulder. Waking up spooning and making yourself late for work. The smells. I can't describe them, I have no words, but I know precisely what I mean. Naughty stuff. Ordinary stuff. But I'm doing alright on my own, as always.

I wish I lived in an area with more "community".

If you are ever able to buy three cheese and jalapeno chilli bread, DO IT!


Call me Madam

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