I do have my weak moments, but I received sterling advice from somebody I admire greatly a while ago. And when I feel wobbly, I read this.
You are very firmly wedged between the rock and a place that doesn't give.
My worry for you is that you will slip. Once again. back into the relationship via rampant sex and resultant ecstasy and vacuous promises.
A relationship with outstanding highs, but mariana trench lows.
I hope that you stick with this resolve. Like a summer BBQ, it's becoming an annual event.
Look after yourself darling.