Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

The end has been nigh for some time. You can always tell, when they get attached and secretive about their phones, and I'm sure he wasn't planning next year's birthday surprise.

The Herpes, mid-May, was of course a low. I hadn't expected that, but when you are with somebody who adores the cheap n cheerfuls as much as Rod does, the STDs follow. Not the first time, but the first serious one. He was mostly dismissive of it, as he didn't get it badly. I did, and found his put-downs rather callous. I still remember, when I was very upset, him telling me it was just "a bump in the road". He didn't find it necessary to apologise, or even go get me the drugs he kept saying he would.

When we did resume sex, with a condom of course, he made the mistake that really did it for me. Exactly at the point when he should've been loving and tender, he was going at it great guns, telling me he wanted to watch me being fucked by other men. I just let him finish, in silence. My heart had already left the building.

And then I found he was advertising himself on Fab Swingers.

A couple of weeks later, and he was making dirty phone calls to a girl called Marie, who he was in the TA with. Which surprised me as she's 6 foot 2 to his 5 foot eight and easily weighs more than me. Not an issue for me, but he kept banging on about my weight. Anyway, the phone calls were followed up by a string of dirty messages - all from him, she hardly said anything, very unimaginative. I got blamed for this - yes, he tried to blame me, for not being subbie enough! Even more surprised, as he'd laughed at her "sexy" photos online, and referred to her as a moose.

And so, three weeks ago, he was given, quietly, a departure timetable. I had hoped of course, that that would buck his ideas up and he would see what was so wrong. We'd been sleeping in separate rooms for a month by this stage, but still being civil and going out together.

And then on Friday, I find that he's arranged to meet some old ho' he's met online. Who's not only sending undies pix of herself, she's also stalking me, lifting my photos from Facebook and making nasty comments about them, via text, to him. And he does nothing. Because he's weak and ineffectual, always was and always will be.

In short, he can't think any further than the end of his cock.

Me, well I'm high n dry after 11 years. Having to do so much just to keep my head above the water. People have been very, very kind. But that just makes me cry more really.

And so the moving out process has begun in earnest. He's gone by the end of August. It's hard, very very hard, making somebody you truly love, leave. But I realise now, albeit, far too late, that he'll never give me the love and security I want. He doesn't know how.

I am not going to date, I'm sitting tight until I get back from Australia in January. Meantime, I have a lot of house to clean and decorate, that'll keep me busy.

And I have my friends. I will insist, next time round, to date a man with friends. Rod has virtually none at almost 51, and that is suspicious in itself.

Thank you to everybody for your support. I am really unhappy, as miserable as a human being could get. But it's all for the best. He's dumped and he's staying that way. I cannot keep doing this incredibly stupid rollercoaster life he insists on living on. It's not good for my health, my happiness and indeed, hasn't done him any bloody good either.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 2nd, 2017 10:26 pm (UTC)
I love you.
Jul. 3rd, 2017 09:23 am (UTC)
Love you too! Just seen that you and Tiff are in hospital, will chat when you're out. Love to ya both xx
Jul. 3rd, 2017 06:29 pm (UTC)


LM x
Jul. 3rd, 2017 11:31 pm (UTC)
Ive only just caught up with this, so sorry, I have called, but we will get together soon to talk properly x
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )