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Gay Paree

Sat outside Costa in blazing sunshine this afternoon, admiring the crystals glinting away on my sandals, and thinking I should get a pedi sometime soon. But probably won't. Betwixt fending off suitors online, and reading my book, I was simultaneously trying to plan Paris on Saturday. 5ish hours in the City of Love. And within minutes, I was already needing to cut down, due to lack of time. So I may join Nix n Tiff there in May after all. Yah, done it loadsa times, but there's always something new to see! Paris in spring is horrendously expensive though!

I'm still reading Colin Thubron's "Among the Russians". He got a mention by no less than Joanna Lumley, during her Silk Road travelogue (brilliant, watch it!). And I just happen to have already purchased a second hand copy of the book she mentioned. If I weren't so slack at writing and so bad at photography, I think travel journalist would actually be my ideal job. Joanna has really turned my head towards some destinations I would previously never have considered. If somebody were generous enough to present me with her budget, slap my arse and get me there!

This Is Adulting 2

Debs, with the best of intentions, said I was putting up a front, and didn't need to. Yes I am, and yes I do.

Nobody, but nobody, wants to hear I am miserable. Or lonely. Or loveless. Frankly, I include myself in that. I don't want to hear it either. So to alleviate the unhappiness I try to post positively, keep doing things, exercise, plan things, eat decently, go out, and all those "normal" things that get me through the day. And one day, things might just be better. The feelings of despair and betrayal may just go. Who knows, I meet even meet somebody I like.

So no cause for concern. I am keeping on keeping on.

I'll Either Find A Way...........

I started looking up knee replacements, by god they're expensive! And then it dawned on me, I don't have anyone to look after me at home post-op, so I won't be having it done anyway, NHS or not!

So, the next step is to strengthen my joints myself. Pretty sure one of the PTs at the gym can advise on that, and I'll have a look online later too.

Next, having looked at the various options, it appears you have to do 6-13 miles uphill, for 5 days. Which I can start trialling in the gym. If it hurts stooopid, I'll stop.

So before Crimbo I will know if technically, I can make it up Kilimanjaro. If I can make it technically, then all I need to do is decide if I want to take the money out of my ISA. Let's face it, £7k isn't gonna buy me a house. There isn't anything I am saving up for, I am just saving. I'm never going to have another house, or a wedding or a honeymoon, but I can have a trip of a lifetime.

Aside from that, I came into work this morning and decided to start wearing heels again. I haven't worn heels in about 3 years. It's not easy or comfortable, but I'm 4 hours in, and nothing broke yet.

So like Hannibal said.......

I'll either find a way. Or make one.

Paradise Found. And Lost.

I have looooong wanted to go to Africa. My ideal being climb Kilimanjaro, go on photo safari and finish with a few days on a gorgeous beach somewhere. I keep looking for this elusive ideal trip, and I've found it.

And here it is

Nairobi, Lake Victoria, camping at the marvellous Ngorongoro Crater and on the Serengeti, with safari drives. Then 6 days trek up Kilimanjaro. And then fly on to Zanzibar for the beaches. Just too perfect.

The lost part comes from the fact that this trip is £4k. Which I can't afford, but of course I could find a way. The second issue is that they aren't running it next year. And thirdly, unless the NHS decide to do something about my knees in the next year, which is very unlikely, I would possibly not be able to do it. In a glimmer of good NHS news, I have an appointment, to get a referral, to go on the waiting list, to have my back op re-done. Fuk noes when that might be, the Doc's appt isn't until 4th October, the machinations of the NHS are slow, so probably not this year. But, on the positive side, due to exercise and weight loss, the second op lasted a year longer than the first. Every cloud n all that......

I'm going to keep looking at these dream trips, and I WILL go.

Meanwhile, I have decided to go ahead with the trip to Puglia and Sassi in Oct 2019. Accommodation booked, I'm just waiting for flights to be released from LHR. Stansted flights are terrible timings, and overpriced. I've told the girls I'm going, happy to have company, or go by myself. Steeped in Italian sunshine, food, wine and history, what's not to like!

Tonight, I hit the gym after work, came home and mowed all 3 lawns, mostly in the dark. Weeding n trimming will have to wait til the weekend, as I have plans planned every evening this week.


This weekend was full of win, on every level.

I'm currently enjoying Claret, with some excellent Stilton. Having just painted my nails teal, and located my gorgeous MASSIVE cocktail ring in the same hue. For work tomorrow. No, not doing anything special, I've just decided to be spectacular.

Today, I got on my old dear, and pedalled to the lovely village of Nazeing, via Bumble Green, to meet Den and Erica for lunch. It was hard work, hills in 23 degrees. But worth it. Not for the meal, which was decidedly average, but for the excellent company and the exercise. I never get bored with those two. Erica made a comment about her enjoying waiting on Den and Vic, and I said that's why I'd never make a good subbie. He said, I would, given the right man. Looking back, when we had visitors here, I went into 50s housewife mode, so maybe he's right. And I did ping the wolf, who answered be at almost 4am, but I am taking the (probably) wise decision not to go there. I will write more about him another time. But I do enjoy looking after my man, when I have one.

They offered to chuck my bike in the back of their car and take me home, but I felt confident enough to tackle the roads, so I did. My face is a tad sunburnt, but not much. My squaddie tan has worsened, but I can live with that. Didn't fall off, didn't cause any accidents and did 23km in an hour and a half, happy with that, with my ONE gear, LMAO! I prefer that flats though!!!

Had a bath, did my report and watched Bodyguard. Didn't mow the lawns, but frankly m'dear, who gives a damn!

A really GOOD weekend of friends and laughter. Some naughty and some nice!
Possibly not my best shot, but it was such fun! We did have a man with us too, but he was taking the photo.

I'm about to go and have a bath and do my hair, I cancelled this morning's hairdresser appt. I was aiming for a lie in, however, next-door-but-one are having a loft extension built and the bloody builders were at it by 8am. That and crying cats got me out of my cosy repose. I totally forgot that I wanted to start a yoga class too.

Next up, something happened that would ordinarily have made me upset and/or angry. It didn't, I took it in my stride and still feel absolutely calm about it.

Out of the blue, I decided then to go big knicker shopping. Instead, I ended up buying a silk floral matching set from M&S who suddenly have a half price sale on. And then some gorgeous embroidered jeans in a smaller size. And then I treated myself to a few little cut price morsels from the Food Hall, sea salt caramels in a presentation box, £1, rhubarb conserve, also £1. And some steamed prawn dim sums. I've also got little strawberries from rotten corner, and I think I might make a quick jelly with those. And at some stage, I'll truffle through my lovely sets of matching underwear, I have a few, and I really should be wearing them.

Den told me how much he's leg-lifting at his gym. And so I totally upped my game. On 10 out of 12 machines, I did MUCH better. Of course I will never be able to do what a burly biker does, but I can always do better. So I did. I am quite pleased with my re-shaping progress thus far. I haven't lost a ton of weight, but my hourglass figure is returning. I would like to lose another stone before Bangkok, which is 2 months away, so do-able. I am not dieting, just watching what I eat, and it's working, in conjunction with the exercise.

Slavey came and cleaned (a bit, he's useless) and boo turned up unannounced, which I though was sweet. To say goodbye. He's off on his annual TA jolly. To Italy. I am jealous. But it's incentivised me to book a flight for next year! I got a hug! i also got a surprised slave, who was naked, scrubbing the floor at the time.

Discovered I mis-read the advice about the pub tomorrow, so I will be cycling after all :)

It's nippy. The evenings are drawing in a tad now. That's not good, but the fact that I can start wearing all my snuggly leisurewear is!


Yup, made that up!

Met with lovely Lin and her festival friends. So so tempted to book Wilderness and Bearded Theory for 2019 but with no companion, meh :(

Above notwithstanding...............brilliant company and so glad I made the effort! Lin's festival friends are great. Fet, but not!

Cocktails, wine and good food, in very convivial surroundings, with chatty, educated and erudite peeps. What a lovely fin de siecle to the week. And roll on Le Weekend!

I am kinda tempted to call on the wolf. I feel fecund and very naughty. And very alpha female. Guy is safe, but not safe. I never "quite" know where I am with him. 20+ years and he still lingers. It's been 12 years now, but he's still there. And I would still kiss the hand that devours me.

The Calm Before the Storm?

It's been a calm week for me. I've lost 2 kilos, which really surprised me, but I've been mostly well behaved with exercise and food. Celebrated with a bottle of wine and some Ben n Gerry's last night, LMAO! I get really snuggly under my pink Refreshers blankie, usually with Fatso, and watch my allocated televivion. last night it was Grayson Perry's Rites of Passage. Brilliant, he's so intuitive in the way he presents.

This weekend is brill. Dinner with Lin and her festival people in Shoreditch, I think at Hix, although not sure. Saturday a pervy party in a farm house in deepest Essex with Douggie. I've had all my latex out, I don't know what to wear though! Sarah's people are glitterati, so something amazing. And Sunday lunch with Den n Erica in Nazeing, although I am perturbed that the venue has nowhere I can secure my bike. Which naffs me off as I may have to pay to get there. I could go to Broxbourne on the bike and cab the rest I guess. Need to look at a map. None of this is gonna help my diet is it!

Stayed off the dating sites largely. Feel better for it. Will go back on again when I feel like it, there's no rush.

I read a travel article at lunchtime today, and it's reinforced a dream I have. I want to do something more meaningful and with more of a sense of achievement. Rapidly fading tans just don't cut it. But a lot depends on finances and how my ankles/feet are. At the moment, even walking in heels is an ambition!

Wonderful card and gift from Nix, that was my only major emo moment this week!

Am hoping for the emotional calm to carry on through September. I am trying to think before replying or commenting, which is working for me (so far!).
Somewhat bemused buy the needless and pointless aggression displayed by somebody recently. Yesterday, in a group chat pertaining to somebody's birthday outing, she stated that she was going to shitty bitch face to anybody that approached her. That was after saying it was a lot of travel and prep (how to make people feel great about their birthday NOT!). It reminds me of 15 year olds with fake guns, cussing and pointing, livin' it large on youchoob with their homies. Very unattractive.

Tonight, gym and weigh in. I had a night off last night (as much as you can when you still have to cook dinner, wash up and do the washing, LMAO). Hoping for a teensy loss, I haven't been uber good TBH.....

I'm looking at going to Bari and Matera next year (adios Africa!). I miss my trips to Italy with boo. May/June are out due to Nix/Corfu, so possibly Sep/Oct when the kids are back in school and the prices are lower. Some research to do there. But I quite fancy Puglia and the Adriatic. And Matera for the Sassi I've read about in books.

I note well that some people are caring for me and trying to help/look after me. That's really lovely, and very much appreciated.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend, lots of good stuff!