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Wretched

Had a lovely overnight in France with Debs, more about that possibly tomorrow.

Mum moved to another ward, now having renal problems, still hasn't seen the neurologist and very confused still. Possibly dementia, possibly amputation trauma. I'm incredibly worried.

Unfortunately I am finding it very hard to come to terms with the Rod situation. Yes, I know I ended it, and I know he's a liar and a cheat who's abused every bit of trust every single person has ever given him. I'm am also aware he was wasting my time, and has destroyed my dreams for the future. But that doesn't make love go away. Things are not good in my head (he is being nice, but lying like a trooper, nothing changes) and I think it might be better of things came to a much quicker ending. I feel paralysed and can't move on. At the moment, I look at dating sites and I'm just not interested at all. I do try, but it's not there. I don't think I can soldier on with this until the New Year. Something has to give.

Meant to be doing an inaugural fet event tomorrow, but I honestly can't face it.

I have to diet and look after myself. Needs to be a priority.

I feel wretched.

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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