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Jul. 30th, 2015

For me, the slide began 18 months ago, with the twin stresses of Janice becoming very ill and GSK work becoming longer and harder and taking up more personal time, both in terms of work related trips away and work done at home.
Until then, my dream was for us to get married, and, or get a home together. Not a rented home, our home.
I read today that most couples get engaged after 3 years and 4 months together. Not us, not in 9 years. Yes, there were several proposals, but all coming from a married man, so pretty meaningless in the scheme of things. And I asked so many times about getting a divorce, and it always was going to happen, but never did. And of course now Janice is so poorly, it won't ever happen. Tht's such a disappointment to me, that I was never good enough to marry. And that isn't ok.
The house I can live with, it makes more sense to do what we were doing. That is ok.


Then the more bizarre stuff came on board, and I though that would have a calming and fulfiling effect. But it didn't, it fuelled greed. Even when people from all walks were openly amazed, it was never enough.


And the umpteen promises to curb the hoarding and clean the house and garden up, didn't happen at all. It got worse.
Soliciting other people for sex isn't ok. never has been and never will be. I sometimes get bored and lonely when I am forced to be on my own for days, sometimes weeks on end. That's not an excuse to make anybody disloyal or sneak. Because there are no excuses, it's simply not acceptable. But anybody who's hiding things, knows full well they're not acceptable, this isn't news.

And so the drift happened. I think anyway. One party was more interested in putting more effort into cycling, telly watching and lying, than he was in putting effort into his relationship. Not realising that the other person had to put extra effort into him to enable him to do that.
And the net result is a woman feeling insecure, unloved and unappreciated. And that isn't ok either.


*shrugs*

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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