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Aug. 16th, 2017

I had a terrible conversation with my Dad today. Not deliberately, but he kept saying to me how worried he and Mum were about me being on my own. They are concerned about me coping, finances and everything else in between.

Absolutely the LAST thing I want is to be seen is as a victim, especially by my elderly parents. I went into a relationship with eyes wide open. I thought, at least for the first few years, that he had changed, but he had not. I should've put a stop to it then, I didn't, and that's my fault, because I wanted it to work, I was madly in love. I thought that love was enough, it wasn't, but I clung to the hope anyway.

So I played hardball with them and hope that I've assuaged their fears. I don't want them to think that I should accept second best to keep the status quo or to keep the gas bill paid into my old age. I don't.

I will find a love, or I'll manage.

However, I am devastated at being a worry to the 'rents. At my age, I bloody well shouldn't be.

I'm disappointed in myself for causing worry. I had wanted to be married or at least with a house by now, and I'm sorry I sold the first one in many ways. But I brought into a dream that was told to me many times, but didn't transpire.

Chatting to Nix tonight. Happiness is planning a much-awaited trip to the UK. Apart from that, having a quiet week, pending Lin's arrival from Wales this weekend. Brunch, Prosecco and Brick Lane awaits on Sunday.

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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