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I have a lot I want to say, but none of it will make any difference. I will not be heard. Or understood. Or helped. So I'll stay quiet. Or try, to, it's hard not to have outbursts of anger when you've been fucked over by somebody you love. I oscillate continually between wrath and wretchedness. I absolutely hate it, and I loathe being like this, but that's the way it is.

Had a lovely time chez Debs last night. She picked me up (and waited in the car whilst I finished trimming the hedge!), took me to hers, made me Espresso Martinis, cooked a cracking roast and we laughed and chatted all night. I was sorry to leave.

Tonight I pay for it, via the gym.

In just two days now, I'll be back in Corfu. I'm not making any plans, just gonna do whatever I feel like doing when I wake up in the mornings. I don't have to talk to anybody, I'm not responsible for anything, the sun will shine, regardless of how crap I feel and so, I'll just have a few sunny days to myself.

I just wish I knew what to do, but I don't.

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maitressep
Call me Madam

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