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Hello, I Must Be Going

Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming, and reading my scribbles.

It has been both an outlet and a sounding board.

But now it's time to say goodbye to this blog.

Thanks again.

If you know me in real life, then rest assured that I am well.

Thanks x

It's How The Light Gets In

Is the title of the book I'm reading. Or not, as it has sat, folornly on the chest, unread this week. I've had so much on my mind, and so much to do. But it's a good book, and every book has it's day!

Tonight has been lit up by graft. I am slowly, slowly putting some rooms back together, post decorating (and re-decorating), although there's STILL more to do. I now have a Saffron sitting room (was Zesty, but no longer), a feather boa pink and duck egg blue dining room, a Hawaiian blue kitchen and last, but certainly not least, a parma violet hallway and stairs. Colour, not clutter. That too, let's the light get in. And for some extra Scooby points, the constant too-ing and fro-ing this evening, has, for the first time, made me hit my 10,000 steps.

Also lighting me up a little, my gym efforts. Two circuits on the weights, 3 x HIIT and 20 minutes on the bike won me a shiny gold medal today. It all hurts, but never mind!

More light from the Doctors. A very apologetic phone call from the practice manager, following my complaint. Would I like to come in today? Nope, too busy. I am available at 9 on Monday though. Yes Ms Mellon, I've booked that for you. This is primarily for my collar bone/arm issue, although I will probably bring up the plantar fasciitis in my left heel and the current right knee crunchiness, made immensely worse by the left foot. That's going to let the light come in as well, because I am going to go full beam on them! But again, why does everything to be such a battle. The people who aren't prepared to be as strident as me, just fall by the wayside, and that's not fair. I am seriously contemplating asking for my right knee to be replaced now. However, I don't have anyone who can care for me at home, so maybe not such a brill idea.

Tomorrow, more making housey nicey. Sunday I have friends over for lunch. Solid, sensible friends, to whom I do not have to prove anything, score points against or be anything but just me. And for that, I am very grateful. I am not terribly good at cooking, although I am slowly learning more. Sunday will be a traditional roast though, something I've done many times. The breaking of bread with friends is very important to me, and I will be attempting to lure as many people as I can here now, so watch out!

I have been gifted this week. Nix sent me a wonderful "As you wish" which is already in the freshly painted dining room. And my own jewellery, which I forgot to move into the right case, duhhhh. Greg gifted me with a pale lilac shade for the upstairs landing. Jay gifted me with a bottle of wine - sadly second one with a cracked neck, but it's the thought that counts! And friends have gifted me with love. That also lets the light in. As has empowerment. 100 years ago, SOME women got the vote in the UK. Some died, some had terrible acts of violence committed on them, some were force fed. But they persevered, so that I could have my say in Government and how the country is run. Law, education, free will, were all given to us by these brave women. In return, instead of brushing things under the carpet, and scurrying along, like nothing ever happened, I spoke out. It was difficult, but not impossible. I did the right thing. Possibly not for me, but for women. Time to stop the excuses and the victim shaming. Thank you DK and Sarah xx

Above notwithstanding, I do believe I am on the precipice of kink again. I can feel the stirring. I don't know what form it may take, or how long it will take. But there's an interest, which hasn't been there for a while now. Who knows!

A steady week next week. More housey, docs, dinner out and down to Kent on Saturday, it's my Mum's 78th birthday. In between, I shall try to keep my gym up, and dig into that book.

It's been so cold this week, I've been freezing. But it's been lighter each morning and each evening. Spring is coming, and she will bring some sunshine. My limbs and my heart will be warmed. I am so looking forward to it.

We are none of us perfect. Me included. This week I've been really upset. But now, not so much so.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen. Of course.

I Understand Now

Why men get away with what they do.

If you've been drinking, wearing provocative clothing, practice certain types of sex, had a lot of sex, didn't fight back.....the list goes on. Victim blaming.

I am also embarrassed that I let this happen to me. I should have done something, but I just sat there like an idiot and laughed it off.

I do not like being choked, I didn’t ask to be choked or kissed for that matter. I did not give my consent.

Yes, I had been drinking. That does not give anybody the right to choke or kiss me.

And because I am a strong personality usually, I don’t even think people will understand why I didn’t do something. Even I don’t.

I had marks last night, which are gone this morning, but my throat is very sore inside.

I just feel upset.


And I have been told that I should expect myself and other people to behave differently when drinking. That my story needs corroborating. That it's surprising I didn't fight. Just one person said "I'm sorry this happened to you". One person.

Quite Pleased With Myself

Several items sold, at a very healthy profit, in groups, no Ebay commission. More of that please! And a few bits n bobs via the powahs of Ebay. All good.

Had a visitor this evening, it was lovely to have some adult company. Also lovely to have a good soak and a quiet night afterwards.

Been to the gym, added HIIT to the training regime, and feeling good about that.

Les girls are urging me to organise something for my birthday, probably something meal n burlesque or somesuch. My first birthday as a singleton for some time - and Valentine's, that's coming up in a fortnight. And I feel utterly Ok with that. I did Christmas, albeit smothered in love from Nix n Tiff, and I shall continue to do so, until somebody who is willing to prove themselves worthy, steps up to the mark. Or not.

I still REALLY want to do some of the Camino or my gorgeous Scottish roadtrip, but loathe to commit until I can walk decently. Meanwhile, Marrakech and Corfu to look forward to, so not feeling in the least bit hard done by. Dream trip of Africa is financially out of the question at the moment. Ditto East or west coast of the US, albeit for very different reasons. SE Asia in Nov still on the cards. Micheal is posting naughtily tempting photos, bless him!

Chores tomorrow. Hawksmoor n LAM on Sunday. Fat sistah visit (bitch has dropped SIX STONE) on Monday afternoon, followed by Gravesend Gerls Night Out on Monday.

The Scratching Post has a very large ginger tom on offer. I am sorely tempted but can only just afford the two fur babies I have now. But he is gorgeous, purrrrrr.

Feeling laid back and happy to walk away from the induced dramas.

Boor Hunting.

Monday was rather good. Date showed up an hour late, due to work issues, however, the delicious cocktails at The Adventure Bar soon put me in the party spirit. Adored the Violet Femme, with it’s packet of Parma Violets on top! I really must investigate the purchase of a violet liqueur, it’s yummy. I can see violet gins in my future! And Killer Zombies.

On to La Soiree, great seats, excellent view. And what a show! The funny bits were hilarious, as in laugh like a drain hilarious. The daring bits were amazing. The theatre itself, small, and beautifully decorated in pale blue and gold. Absolutely loved it! BANANA!!!!

Back at the hotel, some work to be done, not an issue for me as I knew he was in the deep end at work. However, it was fun doing the crossword together. Joint experience, communication, working together, all good. Shame he complained about it taking up his time the next morning, but that’s a boor for you. He worked into the night, I eventually got bored and went to sleep.

Wednesday was mantrum night. Screaming and swearing. Calling people thieves and liars. A simple check on facts would’ve avoided this nasty situation. But being a boor means you can’t ever be wrong and you can’t say sorry. So he didn’t.

Finally, last night. After me cooking dinner and washing up, I was subjected to over 3 hours of silence, listening to him on a work call, with his back to me, in my own home. So I chucked him out. I don’t have to put up with a rude boor, and I have no intention of doing so. Get rid of people that don't respect you, or take the pee. Get them out.

Ya hafta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. And so be it. Luckily, there’s a long line of potential princes. One thing that has surprised me is the number of men who adore plump, lively middle aged women, and feel we have a lot to offer.

I had the opportunity to do a pub crawl and or several free meals this weekend, via my review site. I am sorely tempted, but lots to do, and my foot is just killing me this week.

Jan. 29th, 2018

I don't understand the words. And have no desire to.

I just let it wash over me soothing my soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-bcvyruCZg

Gird your loins Mama Afrika, MissP is comin' atcha!

Are You Sure?

So I have already changed the lounge curtains after them being up for a month, and me not being able to live with them. And NOW it;s the wall colour in the lounge. No getting away from the fact it's too pale *sigh*. So it's a re-paint.

*BIG SIGH*

It's never, EVER going to be perfect. But I want it how I want it. I want to come home to a warm, vibrant den, where I can seclude myself from the big, bad world. But equally, welcome friends. Yes, I know I am too picky!

*ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

I have read today with admiration, what Margs has done, and this pales my wee gym visit this morning somewhat. But you do what you can do. I did have a marvellous evening, maybe 3 years ago now, maybe more, where boo and I kayaked down the Thames to a pub. It was lovely At the moment, my knees feel awful and I wouldn't do it. But I will at some stage, albeit possibly not what Margo has achieved!

Lovely seeing S&T. It's rare anybody comes here.

So my right arm still feels like it's gonna drop off and my left foot is v v painful. And I could keep asking "WHY ME"? But it is what it is, I still feel my life is blessed. And so I will limp on, hoping for the best, striving, takin chances, loving, living et al.

All In the Mix

So the hallway is a new colour. And I love it! The pink room is refreshed, and I love that as much as I used to. I've had to pay Tony to do it, my arm is still painful and my collarbone is jutting out. I went to the Doc today, who rather foolishly told me that both sides of our bodies are not the same ( he really did say that, in spite of my bone sticking right out and me being in pain) and then tried to prescribe me anti-inflammatories that I've been taking for the last 6 years. I'll tackle that on Monday, in fact, I'm looking forward to it.....Meanwhile, looking forward to the hallway being finished tomorrow.

Plantar fasciitis is back with a vengance. It usually goes within a month, but full-on hurty right now. The 2-3 miles I did today all but killed me, I was limping like a twat when I got back. But I will tough it out at the gym next week regardless.

I've decided not to see my date again. He's fun and feisty, but I'm not attracted really.

Rod did me a photobook, and it made me tearful. So many great adventures!

Cats have taken to both sleeping on my desk chair, so I am killing my back by laptopping from the sofa! Mad I know.

It should be the Rammy tonight, so my thoughts are with foxxx. Make the most of everything, because you really never know. What would she have given for one more year? Even with somebody we all frowned upon? Seize everything with both hands.
My past choices - when I die, all that past will vanish with me. It's the most astonishing thing about getting old: discovering that all the pain, all the drama, is so completely transitory. You carry it with you. The one day, you're gone, and nobody knows about the narrative that was your life. Unless you've told somebody or written it down.

Douglas Kennedy - The Pursuit of Happniness

Jan. 25th, 2018

When I'm not sure what to do (which is seldom!), I do nothing.

Currently chillaxing and seeing where the wind blows me. And decorating.